#200: because new beginnings

So the cat’s out of the bag! It’s safe to say that I’m not trying to impress anyone with my blog theme, so you’re stuck with content and words rather than sparkly things all over the place. It’s great that you’re not needy.

The past two months have been a big and late spring-cleaning of Life As I Know It. In fact, this blog is 4 years old but I deleted the past 190 posts, gave myself 9 because I’m the blog owner and I can do that, and am re-emerging like a gummy little caterpillar that is now enjoying her butterfly-ness. (Think: if you were a butterfly, what would you look like?) I threw the posts away into WordPress’s virtual “trash” and I’m really not sure how to get them back but well here we are being impulsive aren’t we.

The Lord made my blog and my writing die while I was in the Full-Time Training, and maybe this isn’t resurrection, but it’s like…wiggling around in the tomb? I don’t know y’all, I don’t have a best friend at this point and talking to myself too much can’t be that great for my social image, right. Like I said, here we are re-vamping the old blogarooni.

I was in a public restroom in San Diego (why San Diego? WHY NOT) and I heard a woman and her wee girl speaking the most elegant French I’ve heard in 3 years, and I struck up a conversation in French with them and suddenly the nostalgia came rushing like a memory hemorrhage. I was going to be French, I was going to go au-pairing and hiking through whatever mountains are over there. It’s fine, I’m in southern California. There are mountains here. Right beyond the smog, the majesty of mountains is there. Work with me.

I haven’t set the course description for this blog so forgive me for being tangential, but quite frankly, I’m starting a new beginning for myself, although I hardly have a clue what I’m doing (both literally with this blog and figuratively with my life – or is it the other way around!?) and if I saw a clue and tripped over it and then it got made into a blanket and wrapped all over me, I probably wouldn’t know it.

I try not to nurture my cynical side but it grows like weeds.

As part of my militant Bible-reading schedule that I refuse to get behind on (because my momma taught me better than dat), I read this yesterday and it made me feel like okay, maybe you’re mostly unemployed and changing haircolor on the reg and eating way too many carbs, but like, it’s going to be okay if you’d just chill for a bit.

“And He said to them, Why are you troubled, and why do doubts arise in your heart?” – Luke 24:38

And my answer was not reckless abandon or abundant peace or anything spectacular or even that spiritual.

It was just a quietly mumbled “amen.” I surrender all my troubles, I repent of all my doubts. I’ll try not to change my haircolor so much.